I don't understand
Why are you being so mean?
You're a mean, mean man
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say
All kinds of really mean things about me
'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me
'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot
When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
Alright, listen, I need you to focus
I need you to go dig deep in your mind, this is important
We are going to perform an experiment of the sorts
I'm going to have to ask you to bear with me for a moment
Now I need you to open your mind, your eyes, close 'em
You are now about to be placed under my hypnosis
For the next four and a half minutes, we are going to explore
Into your mind to find out why you're so fucking jealous
Now why did they make yoo-hoo? Pippity-kaka-poo-poo
Psych, I'm kidding, I just wanted to see if you're still listening
Okay, now I need your undivided attention
Sir, I have a question, why do I always sense this undeniable tension?
From the moment that I enter into the room it gets all quiet and whispers
Whenever there's conversation, why am I always mentioned?
I've been dying to ask, it's been itching at me, is it just because...
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say
All kinds of really mean things about me
'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me
'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot
When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
Alright now I (Shit), I just flubbed a line
I was going to say something extremely important
But I forgot who or what it was, I fucked up
Psych, I'm kidding again, you idiot, no, I didn't
That's just what you wanted to hear from me is that I fucked up, ain't it?
But I can bust one take without looking at no paper
It doesn't take a bunch of takes or me to stand here in this booth all day
For me to say the truth, okay? You're drooling, you have tooth decay
Your mouth is open, you're disgusting, what the fuck you eat for lunch?
A bunch of sweets or something? What, you munch a bunch of Crunch 'n Munch?
Your tooth is rotten to the gum, your breath stinks, wanna chew some gum?
"Yes, I do, sir, what am I on?" You, sir, are on truth serum
"Marshall, I'm so jealous of you, please say you won't tell nobody
I'd be so embarrassed, I'm just absolutely terrified
That someone's gonna find out why I'm saying all these terrible
Evil and awful mean things, it's my own insecurities"
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say
All kinds of really mean things about me
'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me
'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot
When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
Alright, now we, we're going to conduct
That experiment that we were talking about earlier
Just to see what a frog looks like when it takes two hits of ecstasy
'Cause that's exactly what your eyes look like, wanna check to see?
Here's a mirror, notice the resemblance here?
Wait, let me put these sunglasses on, now look in this mirror
How 'bout now? What do you have in common?
You're both green with envy and look like idiots with sunglasses on 'em
You look like I sound like singing about weenies
Now take my weenie out of your mouth
This is between me and you, I know you're not happy
I know you'd much rather see me lying in the corner of a room somewhere crying
Curled up in a ball, tweaked out of my mind, dying, there's no denying
That my weenie is much bigger than yours is
Mine is like sticking a banana between two oranges
Why are you even doing this to yourself? It's pointless
Why do we have to keep on going through this? This is torturous
My point is this
That if you say mean things, your weenie will shrink
Now I forgot what the chorus is, you're just as...
You're just jealous of me 'cause you, you just can't do what I do
So instead of just admitting it, you walk around and say
All kinds of really mean things about me
'Cause you're a meanie, a meanie
But it's only 'cause you're just really jealous of me
'Cause I'm what you wanna be, so you just look like an idiot
When you say these mean things, 'cause it's too easy to see
You're really just a big weenie, big weenie
Fuck off my dick